Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
