The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
