is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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