I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
