On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
