sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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