I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
