well I can't set my house on fire every night
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
