Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
