worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
