I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
