it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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