Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
