I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
