Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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