his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
bring money and cleavage
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
