Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
