Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
