He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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