my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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