I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
