theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
