"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
