I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
