if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is Oprah even human
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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