Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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