i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
