Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
