My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You need Xanax blowdarts
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
