Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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