Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
