I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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