he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
