I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
