Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
