cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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