i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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