i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
