What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
