You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
