My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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