My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
