yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
