dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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