Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
