Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
