ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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