Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
