im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
