R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
